Making friends as an adult is a whole different ballpark than making friends in school or University. When you’re in school, you’re surrounded by all of your friends. At University, everyone is eager for friends that finding a group can be a breeze. But when you’ve just moved to a completely new city in your 20s and you know exactly zero people, it can be difficult to know how to break the ice and meet new people.
I’ve moved around a bunch and, at this point, I have some pretty fool-proof tips for making friends as an adult. Once I got over the initial nerves of stepping out of my comfort zone, the sky was the limit! I’ve met some of the best people in my whole life during my 20s, and I know you will also!
Without further ado, here are my top tips for making friends as an adult.
9 Tips for making friends in new cities
Join a weekly class
This suggestion is intentionally vague. It doesn’t matter what weekly class you take. What matters is that you consistently go to the same class at the same time with the same group of people every single week. If you enjoy art, try signing up for a pottery or painting class. If you enjoy music, try group guitar. This way, you ensure that you will have at least one hobby or interest in common with everyone else in the class. The more interactive the class, the better.
Here is the key component: on day one of the class, start a group chat (WhatsApp, iMessage, etc.). Now you can reach out to your fellow classmates to see if anyone wants to grab coffee before class, or a drink after.
Every single time I move cities, I immediately sign up for an improv comedy class. I find this is the best way to meet new people who enjoy goofing around and laughing. It has worked every. single. time.
Join a sport team
Joining a sports team is one of the greatest hacks for making friends as an adult. If you played a competitive sport in college or high school, then this is the best way to meet friends immediately. Search online in your city for ongoing leagues in that sport, then sign-up as a ‘free agent’. You will randomly be placed on a team in need of a player.
You might be thinking ‘I hate sports, why would I ever do this’. But the community around having a team is so important and so great for connecting with people.
City leagues usually range from ‘recreational’ all the way up to ‘strongly competitive’ and they span pretty much the whole world of sports and games. If you don’t want to play too seriously, sign up for the rec leagues. My personal favorites are ‘beer slow-pitch softball’ and ‘beer pickleball’. They are always a blast.
Again, every single time I move cities, I sign up for a volleyball league right away. I’ve played competitively for nearly 20 years, and find that it is the best way to connect with new friends while playing the sport I love.
Pursue your interests
Thanks to the advent of ‘Meetup.com’ and ‘Facebook Groups’, connecting with people who share your interests has never been easier. Chances are, you would pursue these interests anyway. So you might as well meet some new people along the way!
I’ve seen running clubs, slam poetry groups, writing communities, bird watching collectives – the list is absolutely endless. I recommend making a list of things you enjoy doing, and then searching Facebook Groups and Meetup.com groups in your city that match those interests.
A very good friend of mine is an excellent juggler, and always joins a juggling meetup group every single time she moves. Guess what? Every darn city has a juggling community. So don’t tell me you can’t find that niche! You just aren’t looking hard enough!
Lean into apps
Nowadays, apps aren’t just for dating! Bumble for Friends (Bumble BFF) is a great way to let the algorithm match you with people of similar interests. Simply fill out your profile, and swipe your way to a ‘friend date’.
The great news about Bumble for Friends? You know, off the bat, that every single person on that app is also looking for friends. If you’re a bit more reserved, it takes all of the pressure of having to make awkward small talk to bridge the gap between ‘acquaintance’ and ‘friend’. There is such a low barrier to entry here!
Reconnect with old acquaintances
When you are changing cities, chances are you actually DO have some acquaintances that live there. LinkedIn is a great way to figure this out. Take a look through your current friends list and see shares a mutual city with you. Then reach out, say you just moved to the city, and ask for a coffee. In my entire life, no one has ever said an outright ‘No’ to that request.
If you don’t know anyone directly, then expand the circle by one-degree of separation. Ask your close friends if they know anyone who lives there that they recommend you connect with. Someone always knows someone, so just tap into that network!
Find an alumni group
This bullet goes hand-in-hand with the previous note. But another great way to connect with a city is to find an ‘alumni group’ to join. Most obviously, this could be a college or university alumni group. I went to a Big10 University, so nearly every city has a pocket of alumni who head to a bar for the big football or basketball games. Check LinkedIn and Facebook Groups to find your city’s alumni network.
Now, this doesn’t necessarily have to mean a college or university group. If you were a member of a volunteer group, a national organization, or any other large, country-wide society, chances are they might be a pocket of people still active in your new city Give it a look into!
Volunteer
Volunteering is a no-brainer way to meet a bunch of great people. And there is never a shortage of volunteer opportunities. Search online to see upcoming local volunteer gatherings near you, and attend.
After spending an entire day planting a community garden or building a house with a group of 15 people, you are sure to come out of that with some sort of connection. I recommend creating a WhatsApp group after the event. That way, you can keep each other informed of new upcoming volunteer opportunities and can attend them together.
Connect in with your local religious group
Admittedly, I haven’t really embarked on this bullet for myself. But I have many friends who swear by it! If you were a member of a church, synagogue, etc. in your former city location, then this is an easy way to meet new people immediately after moving.
Search online for upcoming meetings and locations specific to your religion.
Find a coffee shop that will be your home base
Living in a new city can sometimes feel isolating, especially in the initial few months. That is why one of my biggest recommendations is to find a ‘home base’ cafe. One that is cozy and has a great atmosphere.
If you have moments of loneliness, grab a book or a journal or a computer, head over to the cafe, grab a coffee, and post up at a table. The bustling of activity around you will make you IMMEDIATELY feel connected. It works every single time. Eventually, you’ll know the baristas by name and see many other regulars stopping by.
I’m writing this very article from my own ‘cozy cafe’. I highly recommend finding your own!
Be patient
Moving to a new city is so hard. There are so many ups and downs – moments of excitement and moments of absolute loneliness. It is easy to feel like a failure if you don’t have everything set up immediately. But I’m here to tell you that these things take time.
Realistically, it can take upwards of a full year to finally find your friend group. So don’t panic if you haven’t found your new BFF in the first five weeks. Be so kind to yourself during this time. Your main goal for the first year should be to just try out many new things and connect with many new communities. I GUARANTEE you, some will stick.
Just be patient. A great, new friend group is just around the corner.
That’s all, folks!
What can I say. Making friends as an adult is certainly a different ballpark than making friends in college. And it’s especially tough when you move to a new city where you hardly know anyone.
Have you moved to a new city all alone? Drop a comment below with you best times for making friends as an adult in a new city!
If you’re planning the big move, check out my guide to moving across the country here.
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